The Awkward Silence
Could you please stop talking? Please, I beg of you.
Let’s take a step back. Last month, I wrote about how we should stop thinking of Planned Giving as a scary and spooky topic. And I asked of you, please please please - make your ask for financial support then stop talking.
But let’s dive deeper. Have you seen the movie, Pulp Fiction*? There is this great conversation:
Mia: Don't you hate that?
Vincent: Hate what?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about b***s*** in order to be comfortable?
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.
Mia: That's when you know you found somebody really special. When you can just shut the f*** up for a minute and comfortably share silence.
The uncomfortable silence is everywhere. Maybe 10 years ago or so, people would frequently break that pause by actually saying the word “awkward” aloud to break the tension.
Because it is tense.
Now we’re in the age of zoom and it’s a little harder to read nonverbal communication cues in order to understand when one person is done talking and the next one should begin.
But can we take a moment to consider that awkward silence, that pregnant pause, that uncomfortable quiet when it comes to fundraising?
When you are asking someone to donate to your organization, there is one key thing that needs to happen – you have to ask. But then you also have to wait for them to answer.
So perhaps you say,
“Hi Donor, thank you so very much for taking some time to speak to me about the urgent need at our XYZ nonprofit. I’m really grateful for your time. I now want to take a moment and ask you to consider investing in our work with a major gift. Our major gift levels start at $10,000. Would you consider investing at that level?”
Or perhaps you say this,
“Hi Donor, thank you so very much for taking some time to speak to me about the urgent need at our XYZ nonprofit. I’m really grateful for your time. I now want to take a moment and ask you to consider investing in our work with a major gift. Our major gift levels start at $10,000. We’re really counting on you to give because we urgently need to hire more staff and we’re all overwhelmed with the amount of work and the need is so great, and it’s just so important that we find the funding urgently. I know this is so much to ask for, so if you can’t do $10,000, maybe $5000? Or really anything would be fine.”
Which one do you think is going to lead to more success?
And I get it. You’re nervous. You want a yes and don’t want to be rejected.
But please, remember:
Make your ask, and then wait for the other person to answer.
Let’s try something. On your phone, open the timer app. Ask a question out loud, any question, then pause for 5 seconds. Just 5 seconds!
Here’s an easy one…
Do you like the color sapphire blue?
1 Mississippi
2 Mississippi
3 Mississippi
4 Mississippi
5 Mississippi
YES – love the color sapphire blue.
Now think about a more complicated question.
Where should we get takeout from tonight?
1 Mississippi
2 Mississippi
3 Mississippi
4 Mississippi
5 Mississippi
Sushi! (maybe that’s just me or I’m writing this hungry)
Now, I encourage you in any of your next conversations with any other person (doesn’t just happen for fundraising) and ask a question to someone. See if they respond in 5 seconds. Does it take longer?
Now imagine you are with a donor. Do you negotiate down after you don’t get an answer in .5 seconds? Do you fill the awkward silence with more reasons to give? Do you apologize for making the ask?
I implore you to take the moment to pause and sit in that silence.
Be confident in your ask and wait to see how the donor responds.
Want more help in solicitation training and building up your confidence? I frequently work with nonprofits to create custom solicitation trainings. Let me know if you want to start the conversation.
*Tarantino, Q. (Director). (1994). Pulp Fiction [Film]. Miramax (presents), A Band Apart, Jersey Films.